How to run a SHED NIGHT
Shed Happens
Shed Happens was established to help Aussie men connect with each other at a heart level. A Shed Night isn’t a once a month show, but more of a model of what we want blokes across Australia to go out and do. Shed is a way of helping men connect. Shed Happens means we meet at a place (can be a shed) where we shed our stuff in a safe and non-judgmental place, so that we don’t bottle it up and find ourselves in isolation, depression and suicide. Life happens and we want men to be real about what is happening in our lives. We keep it real. We’re not a club or a church. We’re here to demonstrate men talking, to model communicating with each other, to remove the crappy thinking about our shame.
The SHED NIGHT MC Role
The Shed Happens Event MC has a very important job to set the tone of the night. Suggested MC duties:
Assist the men in showing their appreciation to those who helped make the night possible.
Welcome to all the new blokes to SHED. Most SHEDs regularly have new guys attend their SHED NIGHT. It is important that we don’t assume every man will know what to expect or why we do shed.
The MC should encourage the men at the end of the night to take this model of questioning into the community of men they have. “Men don’t care how much you know until the know how much you care”.
Tell the new guys (and remind the others) that shed is not an event, it’s a model for how we should do life with others. A suggested opening might look like:
“Welcome to all the new guys tonight. So you know, SHED is about men connecting with each other. Tonight you’ll hear some men’s stories. They may be good, bad, happy or sad, but they are real and the beauty is that no one else can argue with a man’s story. We want to create a safe, non-judgmental place for a man to shed the things men hardly ever talk about, especially in public. We have SHED interviews to help get to the heart of a man quickly and to helps us all realise that we’re not alone in the battles we face. And for some men, it is not easy to talk about stuff that has been buried for years. Hopefully something tonight will speak to you that will either give you a greater hope for the battles you’re currently facing, relief that you’re not the only one going through similar stuff or you may be able to encourage them afterwards because you’re out the other side of something yourself. What we want is for you is to take this model of asking questions to your mates. Begin to have conversations around what’s buried deep in their heart. We need Aussie men to open up to each other. That’s what SHED is all about.”
About SHED Interviews
A SHED Interview is as much about a man’s story as it is about helping every man listening to take this style of questioning back home, so they can use it to ask the same questions of any man. The goal is to plan to keep the interview to 20 min. This leaves a five minute lee-way to accommodate for passion in the moment.
The Pre-SHED Chat
Before the pre-chat… pray. The key to a good SHED interview is the quality of the Pre-Shed chat. Time spent in understanding the man will ensure the interview goes well. This will also help ensure that your man is on the same page as you for the interview (no surprises). During the Pre-Shed chat, the interviewer needs to be at good listening for cues that point to the condition of his heart. Below are some suggested questions to consider in the pre-Shed chat. These are purely designed to get to know the bloke’s main parts of interest and for him to realise how he ticks. Use only those questions that suit. If the conversation leads you on a path other than what is listed here, use your discernment to determine if where you are going is adding value to the SHED Chat, or not. There is no suggested timeline for this chat. Be aware that for some, this might be the first time they have ever told anyone these things about himself. Be gentle. Remember that if he doesn’t want to go to a particular place on SHED NIGHT, then we don’t go there.
Pre-chat Question Suggestions
Tell us a few words about yourself.
Where were you born and raised?
Where do you belong?
What are the top three most significant things that have happened in your life?
Some special things that your father and mother taught you? Values? Life’s ways?
Your mentors or role models? When growing up and now.
The wisest person you’ve met and his or her relevance to your life.
What do you value in your friends/mates?
Your favourite journey?
Your greatest fear and how you’ll overcome it?
Your greatest achievement?
What makes you laugh? What do you do for fun now?
What do you enjoy most about what you do?
Your defining moment(s) as a man? Any category.
From where do you draw your strength and inspiration?
The key issues for men in the 21st century?
What’s your special interest?
What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to face so far?
What’s your battle/victory? (relationships, money, sex, health, play, fear, loneliness, isolation, work, future)
Would you say your spirit is alive or dead?
When was your most spiritual moment?
Is God for real? Do you know him? Or do you know about him?
How did you get on with your father in the first 12 years of your life?
What does mateship mean to you?
Do you have a true mate now? Or do you only have acquaintances?
Anxiety – what things make you anxious?
What gets you out of bed in the morning? What lights your fire?
If there is one think that you could have changed in your life that would have made a significant difference in the lives of others, what is it?
What do tough love and soft love mean to you?
Are you a head or heart person? (or both?)
What would your obituary say if you had to write it today?
More About the Pre-Shed-Chat (the preparation)
Alternatively, if you don’t have the above questions with you, a simple start can be something like “Tell me the three most significant things that have happened in your life”. Then begin to ask questions of him to find out the back story to each of those events. You’ll then begin to see the story unfold. Then structure your questions on the SHED NIGHT around getting this story out. After the pre-Shed chat, ask the bloke to have a red-hot talk to God asking him what particular points He’d like him to speak about at SHED NIGHT interview. Then leave it to God’s Spirit to do his work in both the interviewer and interviewee. Then between you, make the final decision on which questions to ask at the SHED interview and in which order – with the view to it going for 20 min only. If time permits, send a summary of the points you agree to cover during the actual SHED Chat. Keep the chat about them and their story. Don’t try to be flamboyant. The goal is to demonstrate to all the men that they too can have a chat with another man like this and be inquisitive. In fact we encourage it.
Tips For The SHED NIGHT Interviewer
SHED isn’t about the interviewer. It is about the man telling his story. The interviewer can help make it interesting to listen to the story, but the interviewer’s job is purely to help a man shed the stuff that has been held in for years. Our goal is to preserve what SHED HAPPENS is all about. Is not rocket science. It is what we should all be doing. SHED HAPPENS has simply put some structure around it. While we all should have our radar constantly on seeking guys out who are willing to share their story, it should be even more so for the interviewers. Every man has a story. Ideally bring them along to a SHED NIGHT first, so they know the style of what to expect. If interviewers struggle to find men to interview, then we aren’t living out what we are demonstrating at SHED NIGHT. It is not evangelism, it is caring enough to allow a man to tell his story - firstly in private with you, and then publicly at Shed (if they’re up to it). Where possible, the interview should model what we want the guys in the audience to replicate – to take this model to men they meet.
A good interviewer is one who is inquisitive about why a man behaves the way he does (he may have an anxious disposition, be very quiet, loud, joking a lot or be over confident), or why he thinks a certain way (eg, strict rules from growing up). There is always a reason why we do the things we do. Its not just the SHED interviewers job, its everyone’s job to seek out men to bring to SHED and keep the stories fresh.
Top Tips for Interviewing
Focus on the gold? The gold in a man’s story is how he has overcome a battle. Always try to finish with the joy in their heart.
If he has a big story, it might be good as the interviewer for you to summarise his upbringing and go straight for the gold.
Try to keep it punchy. Don’t labour on points that don’t add value to the story, or let him get bogged down in things like medical issues or blaming others. Be gentle, as some will say it all adds value. But you must take control of the interview and keep him on track and on time. Avoid questions where he offers his opinion. Keep it factual about his story.
If your man isn’t out of the woods yet, find the hope he can have and the good road he is on. That’s the high for him at this moment. Even if their situation isn’t changing, show them that just by sharing at this SHED NIGHT, they are pressing in closer to God and other good men. Maybe ask the question "in your mind what would a bright future look like and do you know how to find it?" If you’re really struggling to find the high point, consider doing his interview later on and get him some support while he is deep in the battle.
Cover the chat with encouragement.
At the end of the chat, publicly thank them for sharing and encourage them in whatever journey they are on. As the interviewer, you have the greatest opportunity to encourage your man in public. Without being condescending or going over the top, don’t miss this opportunity to encourage him for the good decisions he is making in life.
Then call them the next day and check in on them.
How do you stay on time? Have an interview buddy to give you a sign of how you’re tracking time wise.
How do you bring the interview back on track when they talk too much?
“I’m conscious of our time tonight and we have some great elements of your story
I don’t want to miss out on.” Or
Gently remind them of the pre-chat conversation.
How do you make an interview sound interesting when someone gives you only one-word answers? This is where the skill of the interviewer comes in - ask questions like:
Describe your heart at that moment.
Tell me what it felt like as a (Dad, husband, friend, etc).
If you could go back and talk to yourself at that age, what advice would you give yourself.
Be creative in your questioning.
Try not to use Christian-ese language.
About God – One of the questions we encourage to ask is “where are you at with the Big Fella upstairs?” Or “Do you know Him?”. We don’t want it to turn into a church event, but we also don’t want to miss out on honouring our Saviour when we can give Him the glory for us coming out of our battles.
If your shed is small, try not to recycle those who are willing to share their story, or you’ll quickly burn them out.